Pizza Snobbery Leads To Asshole-ism

This, from snob du jour (and abused restaurateur) David Hagedorn in today's Washington Post:

As pizza made the trip from Italy to the United States, a lot got added in translation. Neapolitan pizza is all about the crust; the tomato and toppings are complements. That did not jibe with the American "more is better" sensibility, which is perhaps why so much delivery pizza drowns in toppings, swims in oil and pales in comparison with the real thing.

OK. This is the first time I've ever heard someone complain that delivery places are overly generous with the size of their topping portions (except for one place that I thought – believe it or not – put on too much cheese).

Also, "the real thing"? Dude: in America, lots o' toppings is "the real thing". Lots o' toppings is what makes American pizza — or, as we call it in America, pizza. Because note what you call the stuff from Italy: "Neapolitan pizza," not "pizza." (And another thing, jerkass: "Neapolitan pizza" is not synonymous with "Italian pizza," as you tacitly admit that even the Italian government recognizes: "In Italy, pizza must be made according to stringent government guidelines to be deemed authentically Neapolitan." Not just "pizza" — "Neapolitan pizza." I had pizza in Venice, and it was thick-crust pizza with no sauce, cheese, or toppings. It was, in fact, just plain thick crust. I don't think the Venetians'd be too pleased to learn that their pizza is inauthentic.) There is also "Chicago pizza." In Chicago, when you want Chicago pizza, you ask for "pizza." You can't get non-Chicago American pizza in Chicago, but if you could, you'd ask for "New York" or "St. Louis" pizza.

Look, a martini is a drink, a vodka martini is a different drink; a hamburger is a sandwich, a cheeseburger is a different sandwich. Pizza is a pizza, Neapolitan pizza is a different pizza. Capice?

None of this is to disparage Neapolitan pizza. When I'm dining (and I use the word advisedly) on pizza, as I do on occasion, I actually prefer a good Pizza Margherita. But when I'm eating pizza in front of the TV, I want a meal on a crust; I do not want a fine Pizza Margherita. I do not want it, Sam I Am.

Oh, and a small hint: your delivery pizza doesn't have to "[swim] in oil." When you place your order, you can ask them to go easy on it. Although, I've never actually had a delivery pizza that had any extra oil that didn't come out of the pepperoni (thereby becoming what is known as "grease" rather than "oil").