The Swishifying Effect & Global Gaying

Homer: ... and the entire steel mill was gay.
Moe: Where you been, Homer? The entire steel industry is gay. Eh, aerospace, too, and the railroads. And you know what else? Broadway.
Barney: I always hoped Bart would grow up just like us. What happened?
Moe: Aw, it ain't no mystery. The whole modern world's got a swishifying effect on kids today. And their MTVs and their diet sodas ain't gonna set 'em straight, neither. You gotta do it yourself, Homer, and you gotta do it fast.
Homer: But what would turn Bart into a man fast? You have to think for me!
Moe: Well, let's see now, uh, time was you sent a boy off to war. Shooting a man'd fix 'em right up. But there's not even any wars no more, thank you very much, Warren Christopher!
Barney: Hey, better yet, Bart could shoot a deer! That's like shooting a beautiful man.
Moe: Hey, he's right, Homer. After the boy bags a deer, all the diet sodas in the world won't turn him back. And you just sit right back and watch the grandchildren roll in.

It's a well-known fact that fluoridated drinking water and the metric system were communist plots to undermine American democracy. So we shouldn't be surprised to learn that the soy industry is a gay plot to undermine...well...everything, I guess. Except gayness.

For example, my sister drank soy formula for years, and now she's gay. Coïncidence? Or random association?

Granted, she is a woman, so her biological defaults are for feminization anyway. But then, she seems to be a bit on the butchy side. Maybe that's what happens when you feminize a woman. Who knows — and more importantly, who cares? The salient facts are, she drank soy formula, and now she's gay. Quod erat demonstrandum. (By contrast, I, who did not drink soy formula, am not gay at all: I refuse to fool around with any man until after my sex change.)

Face the facts, people. The Japanese have been eating soy for millenia, and as is well known, they're totally gay. The attack on Pearl Harbor? Gay. Sushi? Gay. Samurais? Pachinko? Karate? Picachu? Gay, gay, gay, and evil (but a gay evil).

Yes, the Japanese are gay. All of them. Every last one. That's why they're extinct now.